mjiscoo's Xanga

"But she was noble."

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 03:34:04 GMT

Apparently blogging was not a big priority for me this year... I didn't even manage to write one little blog this whole year. I've been thinking about things, but nothing every formulated into complete a thought that I was compelled to document. And I don't know that this thought is complete either, but I'm forcing myself to write so I'll slip back into the habit of blogging.

A few months ago when my grandmother was visiting she and my sister and I took some time to watch a movie about Jane Austen. I've read some of her books, but I knew little about her life. At the end of the movie, my sister remarked how sad it was that she did not marry... before she even completed her thought, I jumped in and said, "It's okay - you don't have to be married to be happy!" I was a little premature, because April clarified that it was sad that Jane found the person she wanted to marry, but she chose not to marry him because of the sacrifices it would require of him - she gave up what she wanted in order to do what was best for him and his family. As we sat and pondered the thought, my grandmother said, "But she was noble."

Her statement has stuck with me through these last several months for more than one reason. My grandmother herself can be accurately described as noble... and that quality was made clear through her admiration for another person who chose noble actions. But it also struck within me a desire to become the kind of woman who can be described as noble.

When I look back on this year, I recall many fun experiences... 7 trips to new places, meeting new people, beginning a cupcake business, teaching at the college level, baking fun cakes and throwing showers... I've welcomed these new ventures and enjoyed all of them. I've seen new things and loved new people and made new memories. But in this reflective state of mind, I see that I have not been growing this year. I've allowed other things to occupy my time and distract me from the one relationship that truly matters. And I do not see a noble woman blooming inside of me.

So this year, I have one true resolution. I want to be a noble woman. I want to live a life without reproach, I want to demonstrate integrity in everything that I do, I want to be on fire again.

And I begin now to take the steps to make that a reality. So that one day, when my time on earth is done - whenever that time comes - people will be able to say about me, "But she was noble."

feeble attempt

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 02:00:50 GMT

Okay, so Xanga is going to end my account if I don't log in and post a blog. So this is my feeble attempt to satisfy that requirement. Unfortunately I have nothing profound to blog about tonight, so I hope no one reads this... and I also hope that my creative juices will return soon.

One of these things is not like the other...

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 19:51:53 GMT

It's been a very hectic fall/winter, with numerous ice and snowstorms and long, late hours of work, so I have not had the time or energy to update my little blog. And I don't really have much time now, except that I feel the need to post some pictures for your enjoyment.

My beloved niece and nephew made paintings for us for Christmas this year. They created four original paintings in all, and the inspiration and titles for each of the paintings were also theirs. When my family was opening gifts, I saw my sister, brother, and parents open their paintings, and I was eager to find out what the kids had painted for me. We were all in shock and awe at all of the paintings, but the one the kids painted for me brought us all to new levels of bewilderment and amazement.

Mandy's painting entitled "Listening to God's Spirit"

Johnny's painting entitled "__________________ "(something profound and spiritual but I can't remember it)

My parents' painting entitled "And the Children Saw the Christmas Star"

Last, but certainly not least, my painting entitled "God's Riverland"

Here are the artists and their handiwork:

Feel free to join in singing with us... "One of these things is not like other..."

I don't know if any other gift has ever brought such laughter and puzzlement. I hope that your gifts this year were just as special as mine!

Philippians

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 01:15:33 GMT

I read a book once about personality styles (okay, I've read a million books about personality styles because I love that kind of thing) and one of the things the writer suggested was that people with my personality style should read Philippians every day for thirty days, as a means of keeping the mind focused on contentment, gratefulness, and joy despite circumstances. I took that challenge and was blessed by it, and had a thought of memorizing the book someday. Someday came this summer, when I finally decided to commit Philippians to memory, and I finished up this week.

I wrote the following from memory, and I hope that you will read it with an open mind and let the words sink in as if it was the first time you read it. And for those anal types out there (I can think of at least two of you who regularly read my blog), please feel free to compare it with your Bible and point out my errors. Just ignore punctuation... I figured since the original word didn't have it, I wouldn't worry about learning it.

Here goes....

Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus. To all the saints in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons. Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ.

It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart, for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer, that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best, and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

Now I want you to know brothers that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else, that I am in chains for Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly.

It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? the important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this, I rejoice.

Yes and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the spirit of Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now, as always, Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two. I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far. But it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again, your joy in Christ Jesus may overflow on account of me.

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel, without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This will be a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved, and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have.

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus, who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And beign found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross. Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and and gave him the name that is above all names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth, and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the father.

Therefore, dear friends, as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life - in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, so that I too may be cheered when I receive news about you. I have no one else like him who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But you know Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father, he has served alongside me in the work of the gospel. I hope therefore, to send him as soon as I see how things go with me. And I am confident in the Lord that I myself will come soon.

But I think it is necessary to send back to you Epaphroditus, my brother, fellow worker and fellow soldier, who is also your messenger, whom you sent to take care of my needs. For he longs for all of you and is distressed because you heard he was ill. Indeed he was ill, and almost died. But God had mercy on him and not on him only, but also on me, to spare me sorrow upon sorrow. Therefore, I am all the more eager to send him, so that when you see him again, you may be glad and I may have less anxiety. Welcome him in the Lord with great joy, and honor men like him, because he almost died for the sake of the gospel, risking his life to make up for the help you could not give me.

Finally brothers, rejoice in the Lord. It is no trouble for me to write the same thing to you again, and it is a safeguard for you.

Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutiliators of the flesh. For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh, though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews, in regard to the law, a pharisee, as for zeal, persecuting the church, as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.

But whatever was to my profit, I now consider a loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider all things a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ; the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, so somehow to attain to the resurrection of the dead.

Not that I have already obtained all this or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it, but one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

Join with others in following my example brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For as I have often told you before, and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomachs, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven, and we eagerly await a savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the power that enables him to take everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will become like his glorious body.

Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and my crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends.

I plead with Euodia and I plead with Synteche to agree with each other in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of the fellow workers whose names are in the book of life.

Rejoice in the Lord always! I will say it again, rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I rejoice in the Lord greatly that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving except you only; for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid again and again when I was in need. Not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account. I have received full payment, and even more. I am amply supplied now that I have received from Ephaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

To our God and Father be glory forever and ever amen.

Greet all the saints in Christ Jesus. All the brothers who are with me send greetings. All the saints send you greetings, especially those who belong to Caesar's household.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.

Leaning

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 18:22:08 GMT

I had my first bike accident this week. (Well, technically it's the second - if you count that one where I biffed it in the driveway because my shorts got stuck on the seat when I was trying to get off of it... yeah, NOT my finest moment.) Last month my brother and dad conspired and convinced me to start biking so that we can go on a big ride around Iowa next summer. I've ridden lots of bikes over the past 20 years, but they were the kind that were next to the treadmills and ellipticals and in front of televisions in nice air-conditioned gyms. So getting back on a real, free-standing, movable bicycle has been quite the experience. Extremely wobbly at first... but it came back to me, and now I'm getting faster and more confident... and it's way fun!

My dad and I have taken some rides together, and he's been sharing his vast cycling knowledge with me (which he has gained over the past several months from frequenting the bike shop, reading cycling magazines, and buying every bicycle gadget known to man so that he has the most souped up bike the in world). When he saw how much I slowed down to take corners and turns, he began telling me how he's learning to lean with the curve so that he doesn't have to slow down much.

So I've been working on leaning. And this leads me to the accident... last week I headed out on the bike trail and was determined not to slow down dramatically before the turns, but to lean, and maintain a decent speed. This one particular curve was about a 90 degree angle, and I kept telling myself, "okay, don't slow down, just lean and you'll be fine."

I had great intentions… and as I approached the curve, I braced myself, began to lean, and thought I would make it. But then about halfway through the curve, I just couldn’t do it anymore. It was just so unnatural, and my I was freaking out that I’d fall if I leaned any further. So, since I wouldn’t lean, my bike didn’t turn, and I ended up careening over the edge and down into the ditch. Okay, I’ll admit that part was actually fun, in an adrenaline-junkie sort of way. When I finally came to a stop at the bottom by a tree, I put my feet on solid ground and looked back at where I had come from. I saw a nice man, who apparently had been behind me on the trail, and we had a hilarious conversation, which started when he yelled down to me, “Did I just see what I think I saw? I was riding along, and I thought, ‘Hmmm, it looks like that girl just rode right over the edge.’ And I thought my eyes must be playing tricks on me. But there you are at the bottom.” After I assured him that I was okay, and trekked back up to the trail, he said, “You know, you were going really fast.” That’s right, folks, this man, who looked like an experienced biker, complimented me on my speed. I’m savoring that one.

But back to leaning… I am not sure why it is so difficult for me. It’s just hard to believe that I won’t fall. I hate letting go of that control and trusting that my bike won’t slip out from under me, that I won’t end up lying on the road with scrapes all over me. I think that however I work it out for myself will be better than having to lean and trust that it will be okay. And yet I end up not being so successful doing it my own way.

It’s not just that way when I’m biking. It’s like that in my walk too. It’s just so hard to lean on God. I have this idea that if I can just keep it all together, be aware and alert, even when life is coming at me really fast and a curve is approaching, I can take care of it. But what happens when I don’t lean? Again and again, I end up losing control, heading over the edge, and getting way off the path.

So, in October, I’ll be working on leaning. Both literally and figuratively, both physically and spiritually, both in biking and in walking.

And maybe someday it can be written about me what was written about John, the disciple whom Jesus loved….

…that I leaned against the Lord.

10 September 12ths of thankfulness

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 02:40:17 GMT

Remember that whole "Bring it on September!" thing from my last post? Yeah, well I failed. Miserably. September attacked me with a vengeance, and it wasn't until Monday that I started fighting back. I am proud to say that I did decide to start fighting though, and I started fleeing from some sin temptations and running toward the God I love. It's amazing to me that no matter how many times I start over, He welcomes me back, His prodigal child.

In the spring of 1998, I began to realize that one thing that I will struggle with in life is battling my mind. Maybe that's true for everyone, I don't know... I just know it is definitely true for me. I decided to make a conscious effort to work on being thankful and filling my mind with the positive things in life rather than focusing on what I wish were different, what sad things go on around me or whatever else is not perfect. Paul writes, "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." So on June 1 of that year, I began a practice of writing down five things every day for which I am thankful. I didn't really think about how long I would keep it up, but the benefits became clear very quickly. I began to realize that as I experienced each day, I was looking for God's blessings, looking for my favorite five things from that day so that I could write them down later. And then when there were difficult days, all I had to do was to reach for my grateful journal and look back over all the wonderful things I had to be thankful for, and know that more were in store for the next day. It just occurred to me that I am now working on my tenth year of this discipline, which means as of today, I've had 10 September 12ths of thankfulness. Here's one of my top five for each year since 1998:

1998: my new houseshoes
1999: laughing so much that I hurt
2000: praying with Shannon and Kera at Youth Corps
2001: finding some comfort in the West Chicago church
2002: getting my first business cards!
2003: cute high school football coaches
2004: Sunday naps
2005: surviving an eleven hour workday
2006: getting through a crazy sex ed talk with Promise Home boys
2007: memorizing and meditating on the Word

God is good. And when I stop to think about all the good things He gives to me and does for me and puts in my life, I am overwhelmed. I'm really thankful for the small things that I understand, like new houseshoes. And I'm thankful for the big things that blow my mind, like commonness with other Christians. Small things like business cards, and big things like peace and comfort after a terrorist attack. Small things like Sunday naps, and big things like the gift of God's written word.

Wherever you are in your walk with God, I hope that you can find some small things and some big things that you are thankful for today. They are there... sometimes we just need to open our eyes to see them.

Low Profile

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 03:06:49 GMT

As my not-so-subtle friend Laura pointed out, it has been a quite a long time since I updated my blog. After three months of craziness, things have finally settled down. August, although busy, has brought no spontaneous surgeries, no last-minute marriage proposals, and no parental death scares. What a relief! It did bring a week of camp, and along with it, many blessings from God.

Despite the steamy heat, despite the extra-hungry mosquitoes (and the resulting consumption of “Benny”), despite the last-minute staff changes, despite the near-arson of the mess hall, we had a great week. This summer’s camp theme was about being still and knowing God. We focused on understanding God, His character, His attributes, His being. In my cabin, we talked about pursuing God and letting go of whatever stands in the way of really experiencing the presence of God. It’s a daily choice to reject the distractions the world offers and be still.

I’ve coveted and thoroughly enjoyed the ‘quietness’ of August. Although it has been busy, it’s been emotionally much less taxing than recent months. Two nights ago I got a fortune cookie that read, “It is best for you to maintain a low profile right now.” Amen! I’m definitely in favor of maintaining a low profile.

But this week as I ventured back to work, I began switching my energies from camp and all its preparations to the upcoming projects that I’m working on: our congregation is hosting this year’s Pray Over Iowa next weekend, I’m throwing a baby shower for a friend at church the weekend after that, and I’m putting together our 4^th annual clothing giveaway at the end of the month. Throw into that mix two weddings, another baby shower, and a little traveling, (and one full-time job and another part-time job) and you have my September in a nutshell.

Oh, and then I received a phone call on Thursday asking me to appear on the Montel Williams show. (Let’s pause for just a second while you let that sink in.)

(Un-pause.) So much for my low profile! Can I just rewind and have another August please?

Here’s what God is trying to explain to me: the truth is that being still and knowing Him has much less to do with what is going on around me and is much more about what is going on inside me. I am tempted to be drawn into all the commotion, all the good works, all the excitement of my September activities. I am tempted by my own selfishness to schedule my day according to the tasks I need to accomplish rather than the relationship I need to nurture. I am tempted to put so much energy and time into ministry projects that I avoid the real issues within my heart: the doubt, the fear, the sin struggle. And I run away from Him rather than being still.

This is not a novel idea; we've all heard it many many times before. Yet God continues to need to teach this truth to me, because I still haven't gotten it yet. Just a few of His statements to me include these:

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." "Be still and know that I am God." "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." "You will search for Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."

Knowing God is not just about praying and reading a few chapters of the Bible. It's about a commitment, and that commitment demands sacrifice of other things - even good, helpful things - that rob us of the time that belongs to God. God does not reveal Himself to casual inquiries, but to those of us who choose -- and commit -- to search for Him with all of our hearts, to seek Him first.

I'm committing to being still throughout any September chaos. I'm committing to knowing God better tomorrow than I do today. I'm committing to sacrificing the things that distract me from lingering in His presence. And I'm committing to allowing Him to quiet me with His love.

Bring it on, September!

Birthday Week 007

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 01:07:51 GMT

After two consecutive years of pretty rotten birthdays, I was determined that this year would be better... and it was! My family has long given up on the idea of celebrating birthdays only one day... so now we celebrate birthdayweeks. My birthdayweek was FULL... here are some taglines to explain what went on:

Short work week - holidays are awesome!

CASSIE CAME TO TOWN!!!

Drove around town talking, almost died twice due to some sketchy driving, ate a huge chocolate tower (or as much of it as I could) and hit on a cute chocolate waiter.

Ate some of the leftover tower for breakfast!

Reunited with Shawn... and it feels so good!

Proposed to a boy (okay that didn't go so well, but whatever... I still think Ruth would be proud of me).

Met two adorable girls who stole my heart!

Ran into a Nineja -- twice!

Ate shish-kabobs for the first time... grilled pineapple...yummmm!

Susan surprised me with a homemade birthday cake!

Went on a date with a boy... and got a goodnight kiss.

Dined at the Cheesecake Factory with my parents.

Went out on the town with Sammi and solved the world's problems with our conversations.

Attended a picnic in the Garden of Eden.

Talked on the phone with lots of faraway friends... and was reminded of the blessing of Christian friendships.

I'm sure there are more, but for now, this is what's coming to mind. I'm pretty stinking blessed.

God has been teaching me about really claiming the spirit of power He has given me, rather than hiding behind a spirit of timidity. So basically, all this crazy stuff is happening and I'm sort of just along for the ride, doing whatever it seems like God is guiding me to do. Yeah, I'm making a fool of myself at times, but it is definitely worth it, because as I give Him my inhibitions and fears of rejection, He fills me with an incredible sense of freedom.

I sort of feel like I'm standing beside God at the edge of that big cliff at Heber Springs, deciding whether or not I can jump. I'm facing those fears, the ones that whisper to me all the reasons that I don't try. I have been standing there for years, letting my fears and worries and pride prevent me from really living, from experiencing something really fun. Just recently, I decided to take God's hand and jump with Him... and I feel like now we are just flying together. Ultimate freedom. Joy. Excitement.

I hope that you know this feeling. If you don't, call me, and I'll tell you more of my story, and we'll pray together. And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches.

And God said No...

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 22:01:25 GMT

For the last several months, I've been studying prayer. We've studied it as a congregation, and have begun praying together for specific things. Raechel and I have also studied about it together in our Bible study, and it has been encouraging. But I still don't get it.

The Bible says that we do not receive because we do not ask. God's word tells me that if I ask, believing, I will receive. It says that if I have faith even as small as a mustard seed, I can move mountains.

I have been working so hard on asking Him in faith. I opened up my heart to Him and asked for one specific thing (okay, I asked for a lot more than one thing, but this one thing was big). And I believed that He would give me what I asked. I really believed.

But God said no. I am so confused and troubled by this. I keep wondering what went wrong... I know my motives were pure. I know I believed He would answer me. I know I was open and honest with Him, and I made my request known to Him, without inhibition. So what happened?

I've been grappling with this for a while now, and I haven't made it through a day without crying over it at some point... weeping on some days. I am having a hard time accepting His answer too -- I keep asking Him if He is sure, or if there is any way He will change His mind. And I don't know if that makes me fervent in prayer or hardened in accepting His will.

But last night, God reminded me of something. There was a time when Jesus prayed to God for help. Something was going to happen that He didn't really want to have happen. Jesus prayed about it earnestly; He fell on His face and prayed so hard that his sweat became like drops of blood. He told God exactly what He wanted... I believe His exact words were "Let this cup pass from me."

And God said no.

Oh, how thankful I am that God said no! If God had not said no, I would have no chance for redemption, no chance for life, no chance for intimacy with my Loving God. I would be lost, with no hope for reconciliation with the one Holy God. God knew what was best, and He implemented His Will even though it was not what Jesus requested at that moment.

I hope that some day I will be thankful that God said no to my request too. Right now, that's hard to imagine. I was so confident that my will was aligned with His... and yet it was not, and I feel foolish. But that does not change the fact that God is good. I can trust Him. He is perfect. His will is perfect. And He loves me.

Thank God.

An Untitled Entry

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 22:54:19 GMT

I do not have words tonight. My heart is full from the experiences of last week, and although I want to formulate a fun little blog entry, I cannot. Hopefully soon I will be able to record some details that I do not want to forget! For tonight, I'll just say this:

I stand before God, blessed by His goodness.

I stand before God, loved by Him and others.

I stand before God, amazed at His transforming power.

I stand before God, submitting to His will, not my own.

I stand before God, unashamed of His holy name.

I stand before God, worshipping not just with my voice, but with my entire body, soul, and mind.

I stand before God, humbled by his discipline.

I stand before God, loving him more than I did a week ago.

Lord, please come quickly!