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| Apparently blogging was not a big priority for me this year... I didn't even manage to write one little blog this whole year. I've been thinking about things, but nothing every formulated into complete a thought that I was compelled to document. And I don't know that this thought is complete either, but I'm forcing myself to write so I'll slip back into the habit of blogging.
A few months ago when my grandmother was visiting she and my sister and I took some time to watch a movie about Jane Austen. I've read some of her books, but I knew little about her life. At the end of the movie, my sister remarked how sad it was that she did not marry... before she even completed her thought, I jumped in and said, "It's okay - you don't have to be married to be happy!" I was a little premature, because April clarified that it was sad that Jane found the person she wanted to marry, but she chose not to marry him because of the sacrifices it would require of him - she gave up what she wanted in order to do what was best for him and his family. As we sat and pondered the thought, my grandmother said, "But she was noble."
Her statement has stuck with me through these last several months for more than one reason. My grandmother herself can be accurately described as noble... and that quality was made clear through her admiration for another person who chose noble actions. But it also struck within me a desire to become the kind of woman who can be described as noble.
When I look back on this year, I recall many fun experiences... 7 trips to new places, meeting new people, beginning a cupcake business, teaching at the college level, baking fun cakes and throwing showers... I've welcomed these new ventures and enjoyed all of them. I've seen new things and loved new people and made new memories. But in this reflective state of mind, I see that I have not been growing this year. I've allowed other things to occupy my time and distract me from the one relationship that truly matters. And I do not see a noble woman blooming inside of me.
So this year, I have one true resolution. I want to be a noble woman. I want to live a life without reproach, I want to demonstrate integrity in everything that I do, I want to be on fire again.
And I begin now to take the steps to make that a reality. So that one day, when my time on earth is done - whenever that time comes - people will be able to say about me, "But she was noble."
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| Okay, so Xanga is going to end my account if I don't log in and post a blog. So this is my feeble attempt to satisfy that requirement. Unfortunately I have nothing profound to blog about tonight, so I hope no one reads this... and I also hope that my creative juices will return soon. | | |
| It's been a very hectic fall/winter, with numerous ice and snowstorms and long, late hours of work, so I have not had the time or energy to update my little blog. And I don't really have much time now, except that I feel the need to post some pictures for your enjoyment. My beloved niece and nephew made paintings for us for Christmas this year. They created four original paintings in all, and the inspiration and titles for each of the paintings were also theirs. When my family was opening gifts, I saw my sister, brother, and parents open their paintings, and I was eager to find out what the kids had painted for me. We were all in shock and awe at all of the paintings, but the one the kids painted for me brought us all to new levels of bewilderment and amazement. Mandy's painting entitled "Listening to God's Spirit" 
Johnny's painting entitled "__________________ "(something profound and spiritual but I can't remember it) 
My parents' painting entitled "And the Children Saw the Christmas Star" 
Last, but certainly not least, my painting entitled "God's Riverland" 
Here are the artists and their handiwork: 
Feel free to join in singing with us... "One of these things is not like other..." I don't know if any other gift has ever brought such laughter and puzzlement. I hope that your gifts this year were just as special as mine! | | |
| I read a book once about personality styles (okay, I've read a million books about personality styles because I love that kind of thing) and one of the things the writer suggested was that people with my personality style should read Philippians every day for thirty days, as a means of keeping the mind focused on contentment, gratefulness, and joy despite circumstances. I took that challenge and was blessed by it, and had a thought of memorizing the book someday. Someday came this summer, when I finally decided to commit Philippians to memory, and I finished up this week.
I wrote the following from memory, and I hope that you will read it with an open mind and let the words sink in as if it was the first time you read it. And for those anal types out there (I can think of at least two of you who regularly read my blog), please feel free to compare it with your Bible and point out my errors. Just ignore punctuation... I figured since the original word didn't have it, I wouldn't worry about learning it. 
Here goes....
Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus. To all the saints in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons. Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ.
It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart, for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.
And this is my prayer, that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best, and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.
Now I want you to know brothers that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else, that I am in chains for Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly.
It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? the important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this, I rejoice.
Yes and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the spirit of Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now, as always, Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two. I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far. But it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again, your joy in Christ Jesus may overflow on account of me.
Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel, without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This will be a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved, and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have.
If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus, who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And beign found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross. Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and and gave him the name that is above all names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth, and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the father.
Therefore, dear friends, as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life - in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.
I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, so that I too may be cheered when I receive news about you. I have no one else like him who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But you know Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father, he has served alongside me in the work of the gospel. I hope therefore, to send him as soon as I see how things go with me. And I am confident in the Lord that I myself will come soon.
But I think it is necessary to send back to you Epaphroditus, my brother, fellow worker and fellow soldier, who is also your messenger, whom you sent to take care of my needs. For he longs for all of you and is distressed because you heard he was ill. Indeed he was ill, and almost died. But God had mercy on him and not on him only, but also on me, to spare me sorrow upon sorrow. Therefore, I am all the more eager to send him, so that when you see him again, you may be glad and I may have less anxiety. Welcome him in the Lord with great joy, and honor men like him, because he almost died for the sake of the gospel, risking his life to make up for the help you could not give me.
Finally brothers, rejoice in the Lord. It is no trouble for me to write the same thing to you again, and it is a safeguard for you.
Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutiliators of the flesh. For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh, though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews, in regard to the law, a pharisee, as for zeal, persecuting the church, as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.
But whatever was to my profit, I now consider a loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider all things a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ; the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, so somehow to attain to the resurrection of the dead.
Not that I have already obtained all this or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it, but one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
Join with others in following my example brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For as I have often told you before, and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomachs, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven, and we eagerly await a savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the power that enables him to take everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will become like his glorious body.
Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and my crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends.
I plead with Euodia and I plead with Synteche to agree with each other in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of the fellow workers whose names are in the book of life.
Rejoice in the Lord always! I will say it again, rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
I rejoice in the Lord greatly that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving except you only; for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid again and again when I was in need. Not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account. I have received full payment, and even more. I am amply supplied now that I have received from Ephaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
To our God and Father be glory forever and ever amen.
Greet all the saints in Christ Jesus. All the brothers who are with me send greetings. All the saints send you greetings, especially those who belong to Caesar's household.
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen. | | |
| I had my first bike accident this week. (Well, technically it's the second - if you count that one where I biffed it in the driveway because my shorts got stuck on the seat when I was trying to get off of it... yeah, NOT my finest moment.) Last month my brother and dad conspired and convinced me to start biking so that we can go on a big ride around Iowa next summer. I've ridden lots of bikes over the past 20 years, but they were the kind that were next to the treadmills and ellipticals and in front of televisions in nice air-conditioned gyms. So getting back on a real, free-standing, movable bicycle has been quite the experience. Extremely wobbly at first... but it came back to me, and now I'm getting faster and more confident... and it's way fun!
My dad and I have taken some rides together, and he's been sharing his vast cycling knowledge with me (which he has gained over the past several months from frequenting the bike shop, reading cycling magazines, and buying every bicycle gadget known to man so that he has the most souped up bike the in world). When he saw how much I slowed down to take corners and turns, he began telling me how he's learning to lean with the curve so that he doesn't have to slow down much.
So I've been working on leaning. And this leads me to the accident... last week I headed out on the bike trail and was determined not to slow down dramatically before the turns, but to lean, and maintain a decent speed. This one particular curve was about a 90 degree angle, and I kept telling myself, "okay, don't slow down, just lean and you'll be fine."
I had great intentions… and as I approached the curve, I braced myself, began to lean, and thought I would make it. But then about halfway through the curve, I just couldn’t do it anymore. It was just so unnatural, and my I was freaking out that I’d fall if I leaned any further. So, since I wouldn’t lean, my bike didn’t turn, and I ended up careening over the edge and down into the ditch. Okay, I’ll admit that part was actually fun, in an adrenaline-junkie sort of way. When I finally came to a stop at the bottom by a tree, I put my feet on solid ground and looked back at where I had come from. I saw a nice man, who apparently had been behind me on the trail, and we had a hilarious conversation, which started when he yelled down to me, “Did I just see what I think I saw? I was riding along, and I thought, ‘Hmmm, it looks like that girl just rode right over the edge.’ And I thought my eyes must be playing tricks on me. But there you are at the bottom.” After I assured him that I was okay, and trekked back up to the trail, he said, “You know, you were going really fast.” That’s right, folks, this man, who looked like an experienced biker, complimented me on my speed. I’m savoring that one.
But back to leaning… I am not sure why it is so difficult for me. It’s just hard to believe that I won’t fall. I hate letting go of that control and trusting that my bike won’t slip out from under me, that I won’t end up lying on the road with scrapes all over me. I think that however I work it out for myself will be better than having to lean and trust that it will be okay. And yet I end up not being so successful doing it my own way.
It’s not just that way when I’m biking. It’s like that in my walk too. It’s just so hard to lean on God. I have this idea that if I can just keep it all together, be aware and alert, even when life is coming at me really fast and a curve is approaching, I can take care of it. But what happens when I don’t lean? Again and again, I end up losing control, heading over the edge, and getting way off the path.
So, in October, I’ll be working on leaning. Both literally and figuratively, both physically and spiritually, both in biking and in walking.
And maybe someday it can be written about me what was written about John, the disciple whom Jesus loved….
…that I leaned against the Lord. | | |
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